Bribing Kids is a Joke

"I'll give you five bucks if you clean your room."

How many of you have heard that or said that to your kids? Probably most of you. From a young age we're bribed to do our work and we're taught that work deserves a reward. But what ever happened to just doing what you're supposed to? 

I see this in schools all the time. Kids won't do anything that they "should" do unless you bribe them. 

Want them to clean their desks? Reward the person with the cleanest desk. 

Want them to do their homework? Give people points to put towards a special treat at the end of the week. 

Want your students to line up and walk in a straight line? Make it a contest with a reward. 

It Happens at Home Too

It's just not in school I see this either. I see this in public....constantly. I see parents tell their children if they can behave while at the store they'll buy them something. Just the other day I heard a mother tell her child, "if you are good today I'll buy you a new video game."  What the.....what happened to earning something. Behaving isn't earning or working towards something. It's doing what you should do. 

There's no reason you should tell your child in public to behave and they'll get something. Why not take something away for not behaving? Why not make the kid feel bad for being bad. 

And Stop Bribing Kids

When you bribe a kid to act right, they only act right to get a reward. In the book Freakonomics they talk about bribing his child to potty train her. It worked right? 

Of course it did. But then he goes on to say that he realized his daughter kept saying she had to go potty, she'd do her business, and then get her prize (which I believe was a bag of Skittles).

What he realized was his daughter was abusing the bribe. She had learned to control her bladder at a young age just so she could get more Skittles. 

There is so much wrong with that, and I bet most of you with children have likely seen this happen. 

What I Prefer Doing

I prefer congratulating children when they behave correctly rather than rewarding them. I think a firm "congratulations" or telling them that you're proud of them works better than any bribe. I also love the good ole fashioned high five. It's the ultimate reward. Not money, not candy, and never give anything materialistic. 

Why do I like the high five? 

Because it's genuine, it's friendly, and no matter how old you are a good high five can give you goose bumps. You see it at sporting events, you see it at work, you see it every day. Something awesome happens....HIGH FIVE! 

Why can't we just high five our kids when they do what they do something? Save the rewards for really awesome things. If your kid hits 4 home runs, scores a bunch of goals, gets a perfect score on every test throughout the year, plays an amazing musical performance, or wins an art contest then that's when they deserve an awesome reward. 

But stop rewarding everything. 

When I was in middle school I really wanted to go to Boy Scout Camp one summer, but we really didn't have the money and I spent most of my "allowance" on games and baseball. I had no money and I was too young for a job, so what was I to do? 

They gave me a choice. I could mow the grass 30 times that summer and they would "pay" me $10 each time. That would pay for the trip, or I could simple not go. 

What did I do? 

I mowed the grass and got to go to camp. I worked for it, I earned it, it wasn't given to me for being good or cleaning my room. It was given because I did something extra and worked harder then I was expected. 

Let's Fix The Problem

Let's all stop giving our children bribes. Let's all stop rewarding our children for doing what they should be doing. They should pick up after themselves. They should learn to do their work, and they should learn to take responsibilities for their actions. They shouldn't be given rewards for everything. They must learn to earn it, not be given it. 

If we keep giving them the expectation that they'll be rewarded, they'll always expect it. I'm not saying never reward it, but I'm asking to quit making it the expectation. 

If you don't stop you'll make our future generations driven for rewards. You'll help create a society of competition and greed. You'll teach your children that money and rewards are to be expected if they do something. So just stop before you've ruined our children. There's more to life than money and rewards.